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  1. #1

    Picking myself up.... divorcing.

    Very sadly I am divorcing my wife. She split from me. Nobody else involved. Pleased to say we are amicable. Family and friends are supportive, apart from my brother-in-law. He had a baby earlier this year. His wife said it would be "tragic" if we could not stay in touch "and come round for a cuppa and baby cuddles." Sadly with how my brother-in-law has reacted, I don't want to put his wife in a awkward position. He deleted me from his Facebook "friends" list. In the last couple of days though, she hasn't been replying to a couple of my messages. Still "likes" stuff on my Facebook statuses, but I can understand now why she does not want to get in touch. It will just rock the boat with her husband. She did warn me a few months back how he was feeling about his sister splitting up from me. My brother-in-law's wife said "He could not see the point in staying in touch if his sister is splitting up from you." The writing was on the wall for me when she said that. Anyway, feeling very down, but trying to pick myself up. Need to stay focused. Anyone had a similar situation? I miss not seeing the my nephew (which I appreciate won't be my nephew in the future). Appreciate I need to "get on" with life. Any good advice to keep myself above the water? Having good days, but like today feeling very low. Thank you.

  2. #2
    I've never been in this situation or anything similar so, I'm not sure how to advise but, didn't want to read and run either. Keep yourself distracted and try not to dwell. Even the most amicable divorces can cause people to split in to 'camps' as it were. Do you have family with young children on your side? Maybe immerse yourself with them for a bit. It can be a very sad and lonely time so do seek help if you feel you need. Relate aren't just for couples together, they may help you to come to terms a little bit with what is happening.

  3. #3
    I will be seeing a good friend with her kids in the next week. Yes, you are right, it is keeping myself occupied. Work is a good tonic and seeing friends in general. Just over analyse things is my problem!

  4. #4
    Got the T shirt on that one. As I am sure you are finding out, there will be up days and down days but gradually there will be more of the former and less of the latter.. Try not to get too hung up on Facebook. Talk through it and about it with friends but understand there comes a time when people don't want to hear any more.
    I would say I was about a year getting over it - and I was the one who left HIM! Just acknowledge the sad times. It's normal. Try not to worry too much about the brother in law situation. People's emotions will be tangled just now. Staying friendly with the wife/ex should help all round.
    Look on your married period as a chapter in the novel that is your life - ie it's not about failure. And don't be in a rush to get a replacement! Finally, when all the world seems full of happy couples just remember all is not necessarily as it seems and we don't always know what happens behind close doors.
    Take care

  5. #5
    Aw, that's so sad, I feel for you OP. Some good advice above. Try not to take your brother-in-law's actions too personally, he is in a difficult situation and must feel like he publically has to side with his sister. His wife sounds more amenable, I wouldn't send her any further messages for now but keep up contact with the kids via her e.g. birthday / christmas cards without expecting any acknowledgement for now - agree with the advice to stay away from his social media as it will only sting. Let time pass & wounds heal & hope things smooth over for future. Make an effort to socialise more / take up a new hobby & take one day at a time.



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