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  1. #1

    retired to most beautiful place on earth....want to go back home!

    Boy, this is really an inactive forum! Well, let's see if anyone wants to respond or help me with this scenario.....
    Dh and I retired 5 years ago. We bought property on the other side of the state, much more rural, laid back, no traffic, beautiful lakes, mountains, hot summers, snowy winters, etc. We built a lovely home and I am not happy. I miss my friends and family. We moved from the home town we both grew up in where most of our family live. All our kids are married and have families. We are 2 hours from one, close to one, and 6 hrs. from the other one. (3 kids) Dh says he will move back to our home town if I want but I am not really believing him. He has a tractor here, hunting, it really is beautiful but very isolated. We are 1/2 hour from any shopping, groceries, etc. but 2 hours from any REAL shopping, Costco, fred meyer, target, etc. I have a few friends here but most people are just trying to survive here. It is a poor county with not a lot of jobs, lots of retirees but they mostly live on farms. My dh needs projects and I am afraid if we move back "home" he won't have enough to do. We are going to keep some of the property here but he has worked so hard to make this dream come true. I thought I would like it and sometimes I do but it seems more of a place to visit for me. What should we do? Should we stay a couple years longer? So torn..... afraid he will resent me if we move back, he says he won't! Anyone ever been in this kind of situation?

  2. #2
    I hope we get some discussion going here, it's an "interesting" conundrum you have there. And you have my sympathies!
    I've worked as a senior peer counselor for years, and one of the most common problems we see are the older generation far away from the younger ones. Either the parents moved away, or they stayed and the kids moved away. The problem comes when Mom or Dad dies or has a stroke or other major medical problem, and the kids are really under a burden trying to help. It's like, "Mom lives in Florida and needs daily help, but we're in New York, and no one can afford to hire help, and Mom refuses to move." Or Mom is too frail to move. I am all for keeping families closer if it's possible.

  3. #3
    Sure, you don't have health problems right now, and your crystal ball isn't working, but what are your plans down the road, what-if scenarios?
    Right now, I'll add some things for you and your husband to discuss. Can you afford to move back? Can you sell your new house? Where would you live? Does your husband have any hobbies other than riding around on his tractor? (I know one couple who had to move when he had an accident and was pinned under the yard tractor and broke his pelvis.) I'd suggest that he do some serious thinking about volunteer work and other keep-busy work if you move back.

  4. #4
    You should put some serious time into these discussions before you jump to any move. Make lists. Put things down on paper, then put the paper away and bring it out a few weeks later. Still feel the same way? What do your kids have to say?
    Sigh, I do feel your pain. My husband will be 66 in a couple of months, but we agree to not even talk about retirement until he's 70 because he loves his work, and has no hobbies. I keep busy with volunteer work, which I love.

  5. #5
    Thank you so much for the advice! Making lists is a great idea....my dh is just the opposite of yours, he couldn't wait to retire to "farm his land",lol. I don't meant to say he just rides on his tractor all day, he is just an outdoor guy. Lots of yard work, getting wood in for the winter, all kinds of outdoor activities! Meanwhile, I clean, research things on the internet, care for some flowers and vegetable garden but I really have no social life to speak of. I left a wonderful church in my home town and did a lot of volunteering. I had thought too, if we move he could do volunteering thru the church too. I have always thought we were so well matched and now it seems, we have such different needs and wants? Makes me sad.....our kids are fine with the move except maybe the son and family that live 2 hrs. away. I keep trying to tell myself even though we built this lovely home it can be wonderful for someone else too, aren't people more important? Thanks again for your response, it helps for someone to see the problem from a neutral point of view!

 

 

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